I felt the need to write something that sort of inspired me a while ago and I am now just getting to it. So, here it is and I am sorry if it is all jumbled up. I have never been good at speaking or writing especially when trying to make something funny, entertaining, or meaningful, so please pardon my faults.
I had my own sort of epiphany a while back, one which I am sure was given to me on purpose through means of Divine Inspiration. The epiphany was 'We are all CHILDREN of God.' I know, you're probably thinking, uh really? That was your epiphany? Any Christian knows that!
Well this epiphany goes much deeper, but before I continue on let me explain something about myself that has always been a part of my life..... judgement.
I have always been a judgmental person. I am the person that see's the cover and judges the book before I have opened its pages. I am the person who won't eat the food because of the way it looks or smells, I won't even taste it because I have already made assumptions about it. I am the person who jumps to conclusions before examining the evidence. I am the person who looks at people and tries to find their outer flaws because I am insecure about my own. I am the person who judges the sinner.... even though I am a sinner myself.
I grew up believing this was just something everyone does. I grew up not understanding how hurtful it is to others, but also to myself, to think and act this way.
I don't believe I am a completely terrible person. I wasn't always this harmful in my thoughts and deeds. I was actually quite loving and caring of others especially when I knew they were in need or when I actually did get to know them and love them for the beauty inside of them. Most of my judging thoughts were with strangers, but I also did it with family members as well.
The Church teaches that judgement is up to God alone and if you could understand the depth of my problem you would know how hard this has been for me to learn. It was almost an automatic response in my head when I would see someone... anyone. "He's so skinny.... he'd look better if he had less pimples.... she looks stuck up... she is stupid.... that person is disgusting... I can't believe they did that."... and so on and so on.
For the most part my thoughts were all negative. Occasionally, I would have a positive thought such as "wow she has beautiful eyes.... he is really knowledgeable... love her hair.... wish I was as talented as him.... wish I had her motivation." Must have been my especially good days or something. ha ha.
I couldn't stop it.... I tried several times to be more positive and to remember that I have sins of my own... that others are judging me on my appearance, on my not-so-motherly skills, on everything I do and say. BUT, nothing was lasting more than a day or two. I just couldn't get over their "faults." You know those perfect friends you have that you just get annoyed of because they are SO perfect? I have those.... several of them... and I would even try to find faults in them just because I hated that they were so much better than me.
Now you are realizing just how horrible I am really am. I wouldn't blame you... I hated being this kind of a person, but I just couldn't change it.
This year, I have been praying to be a better person, to be open to differing opinions and thoughts because let's face it nobody is right except me.... Am I right? Lol. Just kidding. But seriously though, I hate to be wrong and I knew I needed help... some Divine intervention so to speak... to change this mentality of mine.
There are many different ways to learn and I learn best visually. I have to SEE it for it to make sense. If I don't get a chance to see something play out in my mind then the lesson or teaching doesn't always make a connection. I am left with just words and differing thoughts on what they could mean.
So a couple weeks ago it finally hit me. We are all children of God. I was walking through a store one day (can't remember exactly which one) and I happened to look at one specific person... just a random older gentlemen who was wandering about in the store and before I could look at him and think of something rude or ugly about him, I saw him as a child. I actually envisioned him being a child once.... like my daughter is right now. So much love in their hearts. The evils of the world still unknown to their beautiful minds just yet. I don't know this person or what he used to look like, his age has changed most of his true features, and yet there he was in my mind... a child... a Son of God.
Not only did this man change before my eyes, but there was a light around him. One which made me realize that God loves him just as much as he loves me.... no matter what.
He loves them. ALL of them. When all of these thoughts started connecting not only mentally but emotionally and spiritually, I felt a sudden connection to this stranger... a love that wasn't there before... a love that felt similar to the love I have for my family and for Brailey. The love that God must feel for all his children. And again, I realized... they ARE family. They are a part of me. I felt a new appreciation for this person and I had never even met him before. I don't know his talents and qualities in life. I don't know what sins he has committed. And it didn't matter. My job isn't to look at them and judge them for their choices in this life, it is to love them.
This event has not made me perfect in my thoughts towards others, but it has changed them drastically. I now have the ability, with help from the Holy Ghost, to STOP these kinds of thoughts when I can tell they are not Christlike. If I catch myself judging someone, then I stop and try to see them as I saw that man. I try to see them as a child... its so much easier to love and see the beauty in a child. When I leave all else behind....all our differences.... then is my heart open to love them.
It is and always will be a work in progress for me, but I now have that personal lesson to live by and remember. And I will forever be grateful to our Heavenly Father for giving me the opportunity to learn.
