I figured it was high time to update this little blog of ours! I want to remember everything we've been through so I can remember all the little miracles that we've been so blessed with.
THIS IS GOING TO BE SUPER LONG WITHOUT PICTURES! Do not proceed if you can't stand reading. Ha ha ha.
I have much to tell and much I don't want to forget.
For starters, Jordan and I had been trying for a year and a half to bring baby #2 to our little family and give Brailey a sibling. I can't tell you how hard it was after I reached that first year and still no success. At first I wasn't really worried... some people it takes a year (or more) of trying and even most doctors want you to try for that long before looking for possible problems. So for that first year we didn't even look at what could be wrong, we didn't think there was anything wrong.
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, but I was getting frustrated that our family couldn't grow and I couldn't see WHY we had to wait. Life has a way of making sense once you get a chance to look back on it all and that's how this starts.
First, it was actually good we didn't get pregnant right away like we did with Brailey because we were still in transition mode and living in my in-laws basement. We weren't expecting to be there long so it made sense to start trying... but plans changed and it took a while to sell our house in Logan and in the meantime it also took a while for Jordan to get placed in his own store... Instead of the 3-4 months we planned on being there, we were there for a year and 3 months. My in-laws were SO generous and we were grateful to have a place to stay for a while, but it would have been VERY difficult to add another baby in that basement. So I thought maybe it's a blessing in disguise.... right?
Finally we moved to our condo with a 3rd bedroom and I thought for sure it would happen now that we have our place and extra room.... however, it still wasn't happening. Finally I sought some help from a group of moms on Facebook and asked them what I could do to help my body prepare for pregnancy besides prenatal pills. (I like to avoid doctors if I can). Some women said to chart my basal body temperature, but I didn't want to do that because it only tells you that you have already ovulated not that you're going to ovulate. Why on earth would I care to know that? I needed to know when I was going to ovulate... so I passed that idea without another thought.
Another few of them suggested reading a book called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" and I thought... psh... yeah right, I am NOT reading any stupid book about my body. I love to read, but not books that would simply bore me. I wanted to be nice though so I wrote back saying "Sure, I will look into it if I ever get to the library." (I know, I know... I am such a terrible person for lying to them.) Then one of the ladies told me she lives close and would let me borrow her book. At this point I felt like I HAD to read the book because it would be obvious if I told her "no" and even more obvious if I simply pretended to read the book and she asked me some wierd questions later so I accepted and met up with her.
And guess what? I not only read the book, but I learned A LOT about our bodies as women! Stuff that doctors don't even practice anymore or haven't even been taught anymore because it's not "quick."
The book required BBT charting (ugh) and it could take time to figure out what might be wrong, so I charted. It was through these means, though, that I found out that I was deficient in the hormone Progesterone which is necessary to keep a pregnancy going. I wasn't producing enough to even have time to take a pregnancy test, because Aunt Flo would show up. After no success of trying to fix it naturally I finally went to seek help from some professionals and had the doctor take some blood tests.
The problem with these blood tests is that they only take them on day 21 of your cycle... but I have irregular cycles and I don't always ovulate by day 21 (which is what triggers progesterone). The first time this doctor took my blood, I knew I had just ovulated (by charting) so my progesterone levels would be fairly high still..... and of course when it all came back the doctor said I was fine in every way. He put me on this medication of clomid and shoved me out the door, or nearly did anyway. I asked him to test again.... so he did the next month. This time I hadn't ovulated yet... and he tells me that my levels are low. At this point I am thinking "Am I the doctor here? I already knew THAT!" and once again he shoved me out the door. Keep in mind that this was after I explained my problem to him and he really didn't seem to care or listen. I even explained how I found that information out. Still nothing.
I KNEW what my problem was and he treated me like a number... so I switched doctors. I just felt like I was running around in circles, with all of this, and going nowhere.
My first visit with my new doctor (who came recommended this time) was so much better. I told him my issue with progesterone and how I came to learn that issue... and told him about my previous doctor.... and you know what he did? He actually listened to me! He took the time to hear me out and then he prescribed me some Progesterone without testing me on Day 21, without even having the records from my previous doctor yet. The amount he prescribed me helped me go longer than previous cycles, but still wasn't enough to get me to a pregnancy test. All I had to do was call the office and tell them the issue and they upped the dosage. This doctor also wanted to keep me on Clomid just in case there were other issues. So I began taking both clomid and higher dosage of progesterone.
Now I am going to switch topics and tell you something else... This is MIRACLE #1:
I have NEVER wanted twins. I always thought they were cool in other families, but never wanted any for my own. THEN the doctor told me I had a higher chance of conceiving twins or triplets on clomid because it can make you ovulate more than 1 egg at a time.
BUT when he told me this news I wasn't scared or running for the hills like I thought I would, instead I had a strong feeling of peace drench me (yes, drench) and I knew everything would be alright. I didn't know it would mean I would be given twins, I just knew that everything would work out how it was meant to. At this point, I realized that Heavenly Father was basically shoving the answer in my face. He led me to that group of moms, he nearly made it so that I couldn't say no to reading that book. Had I not read that book, learned all that valuable info, and just gone straight to the doctors and done the first set of blood work I NEVER would have found out my problem. After all, it was a DOCTOR who told me all my labs were fine (including my progesterone)... and I would've believed him and continued on my way thinking there was nothing wrong with me.
Back on subject. It took 2 months on the proper amount of progesterone to finally become pregnant! That last half of a year was terrible for me. I just kept feeling like a failure to my family and especially to Brailey because I SO desperately wanted her to have someone to grow up with that she could see everyday. I wanted her to be able to tease, tell secrets to, explore with, relate with, argue with and play with someone closer to her age. As much as I want to be her best friend I am her mom first and foremost and there will be times that she won't want me, she'll want a friend. As each month passed I kept worrying that they would be too far apart in age to do most of those things.
We only had to try for a year and a half, but that was a struggle for me and I was losing hope, enough that I started thinking it might be better to just stop trying.
I can't imagine how other families wait so long. Like that quad squad having tried for 8 YEARS! I probably would've given up long before then. They have a lot stronger faith and positive outlook than I do.
April 22, 2015....MIRACLE #2: really NOT expecting to be pregnant this month but wanting to get the testing over with and stop taking the progesterone pills I decided to take a dollar store test one day earlier than planned. A few minutes later and I saw that faint second line and I couldn't believe my eyes! First off, I wasn't expecting to be pregnant this month... it had been a busy month and there wasn't a whole lot of "trying" if you get what I mean. Ha ha. Plus the shock of actually seeing a positive test after SO long of negative ones!
That same day I told the amazing news to Jordan by having Brailey tell him there was a baby in mommy's tummy (she told him in my butt LOL)..... and then I just hoped and prayed that I wouldn't miscarry. Once I knew I was pregnant I didn't even think of twins AT ALL, so I assumed it was just one baby (which I was perfectly happy with).
MIRACLE #3: During this time we had been looking at homes to buy and thought we found one. We found a cute 2 bedroom town house with more storage space. The rooms were huge so we planned that we would keep the baby in our room til they were a little older and then they would room with Brailey. So we put in an offer. Once we did I just kept feeling like it wasn't the right place, but we loved it so much that I just thought it was me being scared of the changes. We went back and forth on offers with the owners and even offered MORE than their asking price, but they decided to take another higher offer. Though we didn't understand at the time that this was a blessing in disguise we found out very soon why.....
By week 5 of pregnancy I was sick... so sick some days that I could hardly get out of bed. I was so nauseated that I couldn't eat or even drink water. Crackers and ginger were not working a bit. I was calling in sick or going home early because I couldn't do anything. I tried a few different prescriptions that the doctors gave me and none of them worked.
Side note: we rely on my income as much as Jordan's and the only thing we could do at that point was eliminate the cars and get junkers which wouldn't have been too good either.
We didn't know what we were going to do. Without my income, all of it, we'd be struggling to get by with all that we owe.
MIRACLE #4 and #5:
By nearly 9 weeks, I finally called the doctor and told them how bad I was feeling and that it wasn't going away. My initial appointment was only a few days away, but I just couldn't stand feeling so sick. I was losing weight and just miserable. The doctors decided they wanted to see me to check that it wasn't something else making me sick. They told me that they wouldn't do the ultrasound this time since my appointment for that was only a few days away... instead they were going to blood work and urine tests and ask me more questions. So I told Jordan to stay home and watch Brailey.
When I went in, though, my doctor immediately did an ultrasound. He had the screen facing him so at first I couldn't see anything... then he says "well, there's part of the reason you're sick" and turned the screen to me...... I saw TWO little beans.... with wide eyes all I could say is "Am I seeing Two?"
Totally unexpected! I was sad Jordan couldn't have been there with me, but the doctor gave me a picture of them to take home and show him. I took the picture home and said "here's your baby" and waited to see if he noticed there were TWO instead of one. 5 seconds later and he's looking at me questioningly, but knowingly. When I shook my head yes he finally spoke the words "Are there two?" Again, I shook my head yes.... Needless to say, Jordan was amazed and EXCITED! The doctor decided to check my gallbladder since I was in such pain, but everything came back okay. Then I started having a couple "good" days. I call them good because I could handle the sickness and pain better and I was able to eat without feeling so disgusting.
Things didn't get completely better, I still had bad days mixed with a good one here and there. And we had a lot to think about. Twins means higher risk pregnancy... it could mean having to go on bed rest for months without my income. We stopped looking at homes because there was no way to afford one if there was ever a chance of me not working. Our only option if that were to happen was to move back in with my in-laws and make it work somehow til I could go back to work.
And then MIRACLE #6 happened: Not knowing what to do or how to make it by we kept chugging along hoping for better days. I started seeing more good days then bad and thought maybe I could handle it. But even my bad days were getting to me and I was starting to become depressed. Jordan was my rock and kept me strong when I was weak so I kept pushing through. You know how the last month of pregnancy feels like an eternity? Well, each day for me felt like an eternity and I didn't know how I was supposed to get through 8 more months, let alone the next day. Brailey was such an easy pregnancy, no sickness at all... I loved that pregnancy and thought I could have lots more babies if they all went like hers.
In the meantime, Jordan started looking for other jobs, but wasn't finding anything that would pay him more. NOTHING!
THEN his coworker applied for another job and got accepted... so Kohl's tried offering her more money to stay, but she didn't take it. Jordan's boss took a leap and asked the higher-ups to give Jordan more money because he was also looking to leave and they wouldn't want that. After some negotiations, things worked out and he got a really good raise. Enough that I can cut my hours down and we can still make it by... and we can make it work if I have to go on bed rest.
We also realized there was MIRACLE #7: There is no way I would've been able to handle twins if Brailey were going to be any younger. She will be nearly 4 years old when they are born and I think that will help SO much in keeping me sane. And if I had been pregnant with only one baby, sooner than this, we might have stopped having kids and not finished our family. We were meant to wait to be ready to bring 2 into this world at once. We were meant to wait to be out of my in-laws place, meant to wait to be able to handle all of this.
Some might think this is all just a big coincidence, but I don't believe in coincidence.... especially not when there are SO many in a given time and all surrounding the same topic.
This whole experience has been a crazy ride, but I wouldn't change it for anything. We have witnessed so many blessings (miracles as I call them) that there is no way I can deny there is a Heavenly Father who loves us and is watching over us and knows our trials. He has been so very giving and helpful through all of this and I am so grateful for His love and help.
I needed to write all this down to remember again one day... before my pregnancy brain gets any worse.... I need to remember when I am facing a trial that we do have someone watching us and protecting us, even if it's not how we want or expect.
