2 months!

I can't believe our tiny Brailey is already 2 months old... 9 weeks as of yesterday! Time just flies now! She is such an amazing joy to have... crying and all! This little girl steals my heart day after day and I can't help but let her take it.

We just got her pictures taken and I gotta say that I absolutely LOVE how they turned out! Kevin did an amazing job on them and he was very patient with Brailey and when she would start to cry he would just hold her and talk to her all nice and quiet to calm her down... and I loved all the fun little outfits. :)

This pic is lovely because she LOVES to suck on her fingers. It's so adorable!

This is a Skunk outfit (not a cat) and I loved it. I know it seems a little weird for a baby, but Kevin did a wonderful job and came up with that cute saying to match it. And it fits perfectly. :) She is our little stinker. ha ha.

This close up is perfect because it shows how bright blue her beautiful eyes are. :) I love them.

This is the peacock outfit I made for her cause I love the colors and the theme. And Kevin thought it was a great idea! I think it fits her personality... Very colorful and bright :)

Cute little toes. :) This one is great cause she has one set of toes curled and one spread out. :)

So as you all know I decided to do both semi-naked pics and a ones with her in rompers. I bought this maroon colored one and it turned out wonderful. :) I not only love the color, but I just thought it made her look so adorable. We got a little smile out of her in this one!

And this is the outfit and headband I made for her. :) Its kind of like a romper, but its two pieces instead of one and the bottom is a diaper cover instead of like mini shorts. Turned out gorgeous if I do say so myself. She looked so cute in it! AND I can still use the tube top piece on her if I want to dress her up a little.

About Brailey:

• She loves to kick and squirm and move all around. Sometimes its cause she is just angry or sad, but most of the time she will just do it for fun.
• As I stated before, she loves to suck on her fingers. Even when I am getting ready to feed her she will shove her fingers in her mouth. And I have to struggle to move her arms out of the way. What makes it more funny is that she KNOWS I am going to be feeding her.
• She smiles at me all the time and I have even gotten her to laugh a couple times at me. :D I play this game with her where I spread my hands in the air just above her and then I make a funny noise and get them closer and closer and then I suddenly tickle her. She never knew when it was coming, but now when I do this she smiles and sometimes squeals when I do it cause she knows the "tickle-monster" (as I call it) is coming. ha ha ha.
• She just had her 2 month appointment, which went great until the shots. :( She is 10 lbs. 8 oz which makes her in the 36th percentile, she is 21 and 3/4 inches long (the nurse typed in 21 and 1/4 in so it messed up the percentile so I don't know what it is) and her head circumference is 14.75 inches which puts her in the 14th percentile. Doc said she is growing great! The shots were hard to watch because she was crying and it was a cry that I have never heard before.. it wasn't even her hysterical cry which is more of a scream... it was more sad then any other cry I have heard before and it just about made me cry. But as soon as they were done and I picked her up she stopped crying and she fell asleep. Since then she has just been super sleepy.
• She is always looking all around. She is trying to understand her surroundings. Its fun to watch her facial expressions as she does.
• Brailey loves to listen to anything.. music.. tv... she loves any noise. I think her favorite is when I sing to her cause even when she is crying she will stop to listen to me. And when I sit her on my lap she will just stare at me while I sing. I have decided her favorite song is "You are my Sunshine" because she smiles when I sing that one to her. But she loves all the disney songs (like the princess ones) and she loves her primary songs. The one that helps her fall asleep is "Childs Prayer" which was one of my favorites while growing up.
• She can hold her head up on her own now.. it still bobbles a little bit, but she keeps it up. I just sit her on my lap and hold onto her fingers or around her waist and she will just look around. lol.
• I have many names for her so it will take her a while to learn her own name, but I call her munchkin, baby girl, braiby (mix of brailey and baby), beautiful blue (because of her blue eyes and because she is beautiful), monkey (because she got my monkey-like ears), and sweetie.
• She has an amazing smell to her. I know all babies do, but she has her own scent and I LOVE it... it is AMAZING. I will just smell her head cause she just smells so wonderful. ha ha. :D
• She really loves her daddy. She just constantly stares at him when he holds her. She can't get enough. She smiles at him ALL the time.

I am back to work and although I don't like it, it's what I have to do so that we can make it by in this economy while Jordan finishes his school. I hate having to leave my little girl everyday cause I feel like I am going to miss something new that she does, but its only 20-25 hours a week which isn't too bad considering some moms have to work full time. One day I will be one of the lucky moms who gets to stay home and raise the chidlums, but for now I will just remember that my situation could be a whole lot worse.

These 2 months have been one crazy ride. Through all the tears, excitement, happiness, and sadness I couldn't have asked for anything better or anyone better to share it with. I have such a wonderful family. I'm not just talking about my little family, I am also talking about my big family. (Brothers, sisters, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc) They have all been so supportive and wonderful. They truly are some of the best people on this earth.

I am one LUCKY girl! And I am very BLESSED!

My Bestie!

I have such an awesome best friend! She is one amazing girl and I couldn't have asked for a better one (aside from my wonderful husband). Jennifer is such a fantastic listener! We were friends in high school, but rarely talked after graduation. After my miscarriage she wrote me a special message saying that she had experienced the same thing and she let me know that she was there if I ever wanted to talk.

At first I didn't want to talk to anyone about it. I had so much anger and hate that I felt ashamed and guilty for feeling that way. I thought that nobody else could feel as angry as I was. I figured people only felt sad after this sort of a loss... not angry. Nobody really talks about their loss except to say that it happened.

Finally, one day, I don't know why, but I decided to talk to her. I asked her if she felt angry and upset like I did. We got to talking about our feelings after that and we confided in each other about everything. We would complain about seeing other people pregnant, we would build each other up by talking about getting pregnant again. We became best friends through all of this. Through all of our worries, our hopes, our pain, and our happiness.

She made the pain SO much easier to bare... to handle... and especially the anger. I didn't feel alone. I felt like someone actually understood me... understood my inner soul. I didn't want to be angry... but I felt it... I didn't want to be sad, but I was. I hated feeling jealous of other women and friends who were getting pregnant all around me. And she 100% understood.

My hubby was great too, but there is just something about having another girl friend to understand because I feel its almost a deeper pain for most of us because we were the ones carrying a child inside of us... we have that want, that need, for a little baby. Men don't always have that same desire. Men still grieve for the loss, but I don't feel they fully understand or feel all the emotions. For instance, Jordan was sad, but he never felt the anger that I felt... or the jealousy. (I know this because I asked him)

Since then, we have stayed best of friends. When she got pregnant (which happened before me) I wasn't even angry or jealous of her... I was SO happy for her because I knew she deserved this... out of many women out there she truly deserved this chance to be a mommy. And once I got pregnant she was there supporting me. We were there for each other through and through.

Now that we are moms, we don't get to talk as often. Time just passes, days and sometimes weeks go by without talking or texting, but whats amazing is that we have such a strong friendship that it doesn't affect it any. We can pick up and talk one day like we never stopped talking. We aren't angry if we can't make an event for the other one or if we don't see each other every week or even once a month.

Just last week Jordan and I got the opportunity to spend some time in Roy with our families and we got to spend a little time with her and her cute little family. I just adore her little boy! He's such a handsome tyke. Anyway here are pics of our time well spent. :) I hope that Brailey and Connor will grow up being best of friends as well! They looked SO cute together. lol

Me and my bestie! She's holding Brailey and I am holding little Connor man! :) He just kept staring at Brailey it was SOOOO stinkin cute. Either he was wondering what she was or he was jealous that mommy was holding another baby! lol.

Brailey and Connor laying next to each other! Almost 2 months to the day apart from each other. :D

SO CUTE! Love them!

Many steps to a new me!

So I decided that it's really time to change myself. I have tried many times, but I am going to put in an extra strong effort this time!

I have been feeling kind of useless these days or to put it better I just haven't been feeling like I am doing a lot to be a better person which is what we should all be doing in this world no matter what our beliefs are or what deity we believe in (or don't believe in for some people). We should all be striving to become better people by helping our fellow men and women or by bettering our own nature. (By this I mean bettering ourselves for the benefit of others). Such as learning to think before speaking... something I have much difficulty in doing. Or by being patient with the person who just cut you off and almost caused you to wreck. Or by being understanding of other peoples beliefs.

Maybe I feel this way because I have been at home with my baby and even though I love being with her every minute, I have been watching t.v. and eating junk food and just feeling lazy. Granted I just had a baby and should be resting as much as possible, but I don't feel like I should continue on this route or I will be a couch potato. Don't worry I HAVE gotten out of the house and I have even enjoyed a few walks with Brailey, but it just doesn't feel like I am doing much. So I have decided it is time to start working on fixing my "couch potato" problem.

Step 1: I need to start working on becoming more healthy physically.

I have been sitting down or laying down most of my pregnancy all the way up to now (except for when I was working). And I have noticed it just makes me feel more tired and lazy. I love spending time with my little one sleeping on my chest and just watching her sleep, but even when she's not sleeping on me I still just can't seem to get myself to exercise or eat right. This is GOING to change!

I eat crappy because after having a baby its really the easiest thing to do. I don't really think about eating or making meals so the next best thing so I don't starve myself is eating snacks. Things I can keep next to my bed so that if Brailey needs to be fed or falls asleep on me then I can just reach over and eat. Eating a meal with a baby on your chest is VERY difficult... especially if you are trying not to wake them. lol. Jordan brought home take out food and when I went to take a bite of my chicken sandwich I just about dropped some sauce in her hair cause it was dripping so bad. lol. Never doing that again. Its even harder when you have to hold a plate or bowl.

This is not to say that I don't like healthy foods. I absolutely LOVE fruit and I really enjoy veggies too, but even for a snack they just don't fill me up. I am always looking for more. Snacks fill me up faster and then I don't need to look for more. Maybe I am just a pig, but even normal turkey sandwiches don't fill me up. I usually want a second one or something more. It's sad but only fattening foods actually make me feel full. :D ha ha.

Luckily, none of this actually adds on to me... I am only 119 lbs and I don't gain anything when I eat (thanks to the lovely metabolism my parents gave me), but eating crappy food is going to hurt my insides... even if its not now... it could really hurt me in the future.

I am going to make it a goal to eat better and start exercising more.

Step 2: I have been slacking on reading the scriptures. Jordan and I haven't been able to attend church very often at all because of work. They were constantly scheduling us to work that day because most people request it off. This will change for me since they are giving me a position at my work that allows me to have weekends off, but now that Jordan is in school again his two days off are Tuesday and Thursday cause his classes go a little late... so to get his hours in he has to go to work on Sundays. Since I haven't been attending church as often, it has gotten harder and harder to get myself wanting to read the scriptures.

I have never been able to read the Book of Mormon all the way through because they are hard for me to understand, but I plan to now. I am going to read them to Brailey... this in and of itself will help give me the incentive to read them. I will be doing it for her... not just for myself. She needs to hear and know of the gospel just as much as I do. I want her to remember her Father in Heaven. I want her to know the truth for herself. I never needed to read the BOM all the way through to know for myself, but some kids do so I am going to give her every opportunity to learn about it.

I have been seriously slacking on making the Spirit feel welcome and I want it to be stronger in my home and in my family. Jordan and I have had the amazing ability to feel the Spirit before, but I want to give Brailey that ability to feel it as well by making it a part of our daily lives not just when it is convenient to us.

I plan to read the scriptures to her every day, attend church now that I feel safer taking her our of the house (even without my husband if he can't make it), and to pray more often.

Step 3: I want to be a better wife and a better mother... even though I am still extremely new to being a mommy and partially new to being a wife. I recently read an article which basically stated that in marriage each spouse should always put the other one first. I have always tried to do this because I can be very selfless. I love to make Jordan happy and now I love to make Brailey happy, but other times I can get really selfish and it becomes all about me and my problems.

Jordan isn't the best at cleaning up after himself and he is a big time procrastinator, I on the other hand am very clean and organized and I like to get things done right away. This has caused us many an argument. I have been practicing on not getting angry so quick about silly things, but my temper is like a volcano. If I hold it in for a long time then it just comes bursting out randomly at another time. It has definitely gotten better over the years, but I still catch myself blowing up over stupid things... like doing all the chores in the house and doing all the packing for our trips. I feel like I "do it all" when in all reality Jordan is going to school full time so that he can eventually get a better job that will pay enough for me to stay at home and raise our children and he is working full time so that he can help provide for us now.

I want to work on making this better. I don't want Brailey to learn from me and become a volcano herself. lol. She doesn't need my temper. I hope and pray that she gets her daddy's laid back attitude.

I need to remember that I fell in love with every part of Jordan... even his "flaws." I remember the day that I fell in love with him... my love was never instant like some other peoples love is. Mine grew with him and time of getting to know him. I realized I was in love with him when his flaws didn't matter to me anymore. In fact, I loved him for for having them. Over time I have forgotten this and his "flaws" started to bug me again (not that they ever stopped bugging me, but back then I knew they didn't matter because I loved him and I was willing to see how perfectly imperfect he was to me). I love exactly how Jordan is... procrastination and all. lol. And these things aren't what is important in life. Having a clean home is good, but its not what is most important. Being on time is good, but its not what is important. My family is important. Our love is important. Our faith is important. Realizing this I feel like a child crying over spilt milk. You can always go buy more milk, but you can never replace your family or the time you spend with them.

I also need to remember that I have flaws of my own that I am sure he see's in me, but being the amazing husband that he is, he doesn't mention them to me. Good thing I know what most of them are already. ha ha ha.

Step 4: I want to be a better person in my thoughts and in my actions. My family has always told me that I am such a loving person. This is true to an extent. I am very loving with people that I know... I am very loyal to family and friends so long as they don't hurt me. I have always been a big hugger. I love giving and receiving hugs! My biggest problem is with people I don't know I am quick to judge. I judge them based off of their looks and sometimes off of their actions. Because of my faith I have always made an outlook on others to be wrong. Tattoos, drinking, sexual relations before marriage, smoking, etc was all wrong so anybody that I saw doing these things became a "bad" person. Lately, I have been realizing that its not my place to judge that person. They may not believe what I do.

I always read in the scriptures that I shouldn't judge anyone, but its almost human nature to look at someone and start judging them. Its in our society everywhere. You judge a person based on their looks first and actions second. Models are almost always skinny and tall... beautiful creatures. Even at a job interview you are judged from the beginning. You don't go in looking like you just woke up in your pjs expecting to get the job.

I am so terrible at doing this to people. I do what society does and look a person over and start to judge in my head. It doesn't always mean I am thinking bad thoughts about that person, but many times it is. I have been working on fixing this by realizing that we are all Gods children and no matter what our beliefs are, no matter what we look like, or even sometimes act like, He loves us all. There is no point in already not liking someone for something that you can't change. And why should I want to change them? We were put on this earth and given our free will to make decisions for ourselves. They are just making their own choices based off of their own life and feelings. I should better spend my time loving them.

I used to argue with people constantly about proving that the LDS church is true. I was the kind of person that had to be right about everything. (still struggling with having to be right all the time). So I would continually try to prove others wrong as soon as someone stated that their beliefs were different. I almost lost some friends this way while growing up because I continually kept pushing my religion on them. Now I am much better at realizing that its okay to believe different. I know what I know and that is what matters. If someone wants to listen to me then I will tell them what I know to be true, but I will never push or force it on someone again. I still need to work on it, but I am able to just let it be.

On top of it all, none of us are perfect. I definitely am not perfect so why would I expect someone else to be?

I want to be a better person in my thoughts towards others.. Jesus was a servant to all (even sinners and traitors). I should be more like Him and be a servant. Help others. Be a friend. Be a listener. Be a guide.

I just want to be a better person all around and I think these will be goals of mine. They are things that I am going to have to work on all my life, but I feel that they are worth it. I will in turn not only be a better person for myself, but I will be a better person for my family and for others. :)

Sorry for such a long post, but I felt the need to explain why I have these goals.

Trying something new!

So I got this really cute idea off of pinterest on making diaper covers. I really don't think I will be needing them, but on Etsy they put ruffles and flowers on the back of them for pictures and I just absolutely thought they were adorable. Here is a picture of one of them off of their website:

But since they wanted 42 dollars for one I decided I wanted to make my own. And I decided to come up with my own idea for a cute theme.

So here they are!

Just a couple of the diaper covers that I have made. I also did one in brown, but its not quite finished. They really aren't that hard to make... the sewing around the leg holes was the hardest part cause the material just kept wanting to bunch up.

This is going to be a piece for the headband. :) Its kind of the style that they used to wear back in the 20's. And it was SO easy to make. I think its super cute. And I am excited to see it on Brailey for her pictures.

This is going to be the bum piece that goes with that first headband. I couldn't find a smaller version of the same colored flower so I just improvised and used feathers that match the coloring.

This is my second theme. PEACOCK! I love the colors and I thought it would be a great idea to try and well I think it turned out fantastic. I can't take all the credit for this headband though. Most of it was already made I just added the green feathers in the back so that it would better match the bottom piece. And the white headband piece was bought separate.

This is the bottom piece. It actually looks really cute when its attached to the diaper cover and put on her. :) I love it. (For those of you who saw the first one, yes I did change this bottom because I decided the first one stuck out too far and I wanted it to form to the diaper cover better) This one was a little bit more difficult to make cause the feathers like to go where they want instead of where I want. lol. It may seem weird, but it was a cute idea to me. I would love to make more cause I have SO many ideas, but since this is for one occasion I don't think there is any point in it. They were really fun to make and it was testing my crafting skills so I think I did a pretty decent job. And I saved a lot of money. I can make well over 5 for the same price as what they were asking!

I can't decide if I want her to wear a ruffle lace tube top with these in her pictures or not. I think the tube tops are super cute, but I don't know if it would be cuter without them. Here are a few pics one with and one without and maybe you can help me decide!

This is basically what it would be, but the diaper cover would have one of MY two bottom pieces attached to it. And the tube top would be in white not yellow.

Or I could just do something like one of these without the tube top cover:

what do you think?? Help me decide!!!