So I decided that it's really time to change myself. I have tried many times, but I am going to put in an extra strong effort this time!
I have been feeling kind of useless these days or to put it better I just haven't been feeling like I am doing a lot to be a better person which is what we should all be doing in this world no matter what our beliefs are or what deity we believe in (or don't believe in for some people). We should all be striving to become better people by helping our fellow men and women or by bettering our own nature. (By this I mean bettering ourselves for the benefit of others). Such as learning to think before speaking... something I have much difficulty in doing. Or by being patient with the person who just cut you off and almost caused you to wreck. Or by being understanding of other peoples beliefs.
Maybe I feel this way because I have been at home with my baby and even though I love being with her every minute, I have been watching t.v. and eating junk food and just feeling lazy. Granted I just had a baby and should be resting as much as possible, but I don't feel like I should continue on this route or I will be a couch potato. Don't worry I HAVE gotten out of the house and I have even enjoyed a few walks with Brailey, but it just doesn't feel like I am doing much. So I have decided it is time to start working on fixing my "couch potato" problem.
Step 1: I need to start working on becoming more healthy physically.
I have been sitting down or laying down most of my pregnancy all the way up to now (except for when I was working). And I have noticed it just makes me feel more tired and lazy. I love spending time with my little one sleeping on my chest and just watching her sleep, but even when she's not sleeping on me I still just can't seem to get myself to exercise or eat right. This is GOING to change!
I eat crappy because after having a baby its really the easiest thing to do. I don't really think about eating or making meals so the next best thing so I don't starve myself is eating snacks. Things I can keep next to my bed so that if Brailey needs to be fed or falls asleep on me then I can just reach over and eat. Eating a meal with a baby on your chest is VERY difficult... especially if you are trying not to wake them. lol. Jordan brought home take out food and when I went to take a bite of my chicken sandwich I just about dropped some sauce in her hair cause it was dripping so bad. lol. Never doing that again. Its even harder when you have to hold a plate or bowl.
This is not to say that I don't like healthy foods. I absolutely LOVE fruit and I really enjoy veggies too, but even for a snack they just don't fill me up. I am always looking for more. Snacks fill me up faster and then I don't need to look for more. Maybe I am just a pig, but even normal turkey sandwiches don't fill me up. I usually want a second one or something more. It's sad but only fattening foods actually make me feel full. :D ha ha.
Luckily, none of this actually adds on to me... I am only 119 lbs and I don't gain anything when I eat (thanks to the lovely metabolism my parents gave me), but eating crappy food is going to hurt my insides... even if its not now... it could really hurt me in the future.
I am going to make it a goal to eat better and start exercising more.
Step 2: I have been slacking on reading the scriptures. Jordan and I haven't been able to attend church very often at all because of work. They were constantly scheduling us to work that day because most people request it off. This will change for me since they are giving me a position at my work that allows me to have weekends off, but now that Jordan is in school again his two days off are Tuesday and Thursday cause his classes go a little late... so to get his hours in he has to go to work on Sundays. Since I haven't been attending church as often, it has gotten harder and harder to get myself wanting to read the scriptures.
I have never been able to read the Book of Mormon all the way through because they are hard for me to understand, but I plan to now. I am going to read them to Brailey... this in and of itself will help give me the incentive to read them. I will be doing it for her... not just for myself. She needs to hear and know of the gospel just as much as I do. I want her to remember her Father in Heaven. I want her to know the truth for herself. I never needed to read the BOM all the way through to know for myself, but some kids do so I am going to give her every opportunity to learn about it.
I have been seriously slacking on making the Spirit feel welcome and I want it to be stronger in my home and in my family. Jordan and I have had the amazing ability to feel the Spirit before, but I want to give Brailey that ability to feel it as well by making it a part of our daily lives not just when it is convenient to us.
I plan to read the scriptures to her every day, attend church now that I feel safer taking her our of the house (even without my husband if he can't make it), and to pray more often.
Step 3: I want to be a better wife and a better mother... even though I am still extremely new to being a mommy and partially new to being a wife. I recently read an article which basically stated that in marriage each spouse should always put the other one first. I have always tried to do this because I can be very selfless. I love to make Jordan happy and now I love to make Brailey happy, but other times I can get really selfish and it becomes all about me and my problems.
Jordan isn't the best at cleaning up after himself and he is a big time procrastinator, I on the other hand am very clean and organized and I like to get things done right away. This has caused us many an argument. I have been practicing on not getting angry so quick about silly things, but my temper is like a volcano. If I hold it in for a long time then it just comes bursting out randomly at another time. It has definitely gotten better over the years, but I still catch myself blowing up over stupid things... like doing all the chores in the house and doing all the packing for our trips. I feel like I "do it all" when in all reality Jordan is going to school full time so that he can eventually get a better job that will pay enough for me to stay at home and raise our children and he is working full time so that he can help provide for us now.
I want to work on making this better. I don't want Brailey to learn from me and become a volcano herself. lol. She doesn't need my temper. I hope and pray that she gets her daddy's laid back attitude.
I need to remember that I fell in love with every part of Jordan... even his "flaws." I remember the day that I fell in love with him... my love was never instant like some other peoples love is. Mine grew with him and time of getting to know him. I realized I was in love with him when his flaws didn't matter to me anymore. In fact, I loved him for for having them. Over time I have forgotten this and his "flaws" started to bug me again (not that they ever stopped bugging me, but back then I knew they didn't matter because I loved him and I was willing to see how perfectly imperfect he was to me). I love exactly how Jordan is... procrastination and all. lol. And these things aren't what is important in life. Having a clean home is good, but its not what is most important. Being on time is good, but its not what is important. My family is important. Our love is important. Our faith is important. Realizing this I feel like a child crying over spilt milk. You can always go buy more milk, but you can never replace your family or the time you spend with them.
I also need to remember that I have flaws of my own that I am sure he see's in me, but being the amazing husband that he is, he doesn't mention them to me. Good thing I know what most of them are already. ha ha ha.
Step 4: I want to be a better person in my thoughts and in my actions. My family has always told me that I am such a loving person. This is true to an extent. I am very loving with people that I know... I am very loyal to family and friends so long as they don't hurt me. I have always been a big hugger. I love giving and receiving hugs! My biggest problem is with people I don't know I am quick to judge. I judge them based off of their looks and sometimes off of their actions. Because of my faith I have always made an outlook on others to be wrong. Tattoos, drinking, sexual relations before marriage, smoking, etc was all wrong so anybody that I saw doing these things became a "bad" person. Lately, I have been realizing that its not my place to judge that person. They may not believe what I do.
I always read in the scriptures that I shouldn't judge anyone, but its almost human nature to look at someone and start judging them. Its in our society everywhere. You judge a person based on their looks first and actions second. Models are almost always skinny and tall... beautiful creatures. Even at a job interview you are judged from the beginning. You don't go in looking like you just woke up in your pjs expecting to get the job.
I am so terrible at doing this to people. I do what society does and look a person over and start to judge in my head. It doesn't always mean I am thinking bad thoughts about that person, but many times it is. I have been working on fixing this by realizing that we are all Gods children and no matter what our beliefs are, no matter what we look like, or even sometimes act like, He loves us all. There is no point in already not liking someone for something that you can't change. And why should I want to change them? We were put on this earth and given our free will to make decisions for ourselves. They are just making their own choices based off of their own life and feelings. I should better spend my time loving them.
I used to argue with people constantly about proving that the LDS church is true. I was the kind of person that had to be right about everything. (still struggling with having to be right all the time). So I would continually try to prove others wrong as soon as someone stated that their beliefs were different. I almost lost some friends this way while growing up because I continually kept pushing my religion on them. Now I am much better at realizing that its okay to believe different. I know what I know and that is what matters. If someone wants to listen to me then I will tell them what I know to be true, but I will never push or force it on someone again. I still need to work on it, but I am able to just let it be.
On top of it all, none of us are perfect. I definitely am not perfect so why would I expect someone else to be?
I want to be a better person in my thoughts towards others.. Jesus was a servant to all (even sinners and traitors). I should be more like Him and be a servant. Help others. Be a friend. Be a listener. Be a guide.
I just want to be a better person all around and I think these will be goals of mine. They are things that I am going to have to work on all my life, but I feel that they are worth it. I will in turn not only be a better person for myself, but I will be a better person for my family and for others. :)
Sorry for such a long post, but I felt the need to explain why I have these goals.
